Ann Arbor, Michigan

I have visited Edda and Amirah Amer!

It's such another level of happiness

to be able to visit my best friends' universities

and it's in different countries.

If other people's aims were

to conquer the world,

I want to specifically visit all of my friends'

universities or places.

It's such a beautiful thing

to be able to learn how they live their daily life,

know where they study.

We used to study at the same school or college

and now, we're separated by geography.

I certainly feel like

it's not a bad thing,

but the best thing that could happen to our friendships.

We can visit each other and travel;

it comes in a package.

So

Ottawa

Toronto

Michigan

Auckland

Adelaide

Vancouver

Brisbane

The UK

Spain

Virginia

Tulsa

Seattle

Vanderbilt

(much more in the states)

China

France

Germany

India

Ireland

The only things I have to invest are money on the flight tickets and money on the food.

Accommodation is well-prepared aha!

I have a new vlog!

Hey! After 3 years of silence!

Hehe,

I decided to do one!

Hope you like it :)

Tell me any topics that you want me to share in my future vlogs <3

Love,

Aliah

Forgiveness

Oh well,

I sounded so sad and pathetic, ey?

It's just a phase in life,

where everything happens at once.

But based on my understanding 

of the khutbah that I listened to just now;

I didn't istighfar enough in life.

That's why I felt there's something holding my back,

I feel heavyhearted. 

Maybe this will be a lesson for me,

and you.

Istighfar, 

seek forgiveness for our sins.

Because sometimes, sadness results from the sins we have committed.

#friendlyreminderforyouandme

Not My Thing

Tbh, 

I am not the type of person that works hard 

to be praised.

I don't put efforts to be admired.

I don't like the idea of putting my efforts 

into things because I want to have a certain reputation in people's eyes.

I hate it when people judge me that way.

When I was about to be given certain position,

I would be doubting myself.

I never think or feel like I am good enough for the position.

Allah has blessed me with so many things in life.

Everything went smoothly

until I have to make decisions on something.

I am stuck,

between something I like,

or something I should do.

Do I need to sacrifice again for others' benefit?

I feel like my life now

is all about sacrificing myself.

I don't really mind tho,

a 'thank you' is enough for me.

A title is not a recognition of what you've done,

it comes with responsibility.

I don't think I am good enough to handle those things.

People always say to me,

oh, you'll forever be unready.

True.

But I have my personal experiences,

I know myself well to determine 

whether I am ready or not for this responsibility.

Really,

I don't mind sacrificing my time and energy 

to do certain things.

But I don't do it for a title.

I do it because I am sincere to do it, 

I love doing it.

I enjoy doing it.

It is just my thing

to do something without demanding

for recognitions.

&

If you forgot

or didn't know;

I live by this principle.

"I don't want my presence to be applauded,

but my absence to be felt."

Two Extreme

Living in the modern life, I realized that people can just go to two extremes.

They either study too hard or party too hard.

They just do not have balance in life anymore.

 Especially in the Western countries.

I become stressful when people around me are just studying to the extreme.

The weather too is just two extremes; too cold or too hot.

My lecturer has a point there.

I just met my lecturer and thank her for teaching etc

And she was sharing with me about her insight on Western life.

Then, I learn something in my religious and ethics class.

One group of people will fight and risk their life for the betterment of the world, the could risk their dollars and titles to fight for the truth.

And there will be another group of people that will lie and deny every evidence proven how certain projects will harm people.

Money is really nothing, it is created by human.

With power and money, one can control the 'truth'.

Because one has money, he has power. When he's powerful, he can gain money. With the power he has, he gets to say what is the truth, what is not. He gets to control the media. Media spreads 'facts' and because it is on media, people will believe in it.

Some people choose to shut their mouth because they do not wanna lose their money, because they value what they have now, instead of saying the truth.

No matter how many people are protesting against something that is wrong in the society, those who are in power will always have the say over the decision.

Is this democracy? Oh very.

Plans for Summer

Next week is final week,

but I just wanna take a break from studying!

I wanna have summer plan!!!

I will be doing more vlogs!

FINALLY!

I just feel that I should share

useful stuff hehe

I am willing to do book reviews!

Do tell me what books should I read!

I owe my ex-bed mate, Alya a book review.

I've been postponing the book review because

I want to reread the book

because the book is so good!

ALYA!

If you're reading this,

please know that I do not forget :P

I will be attending sewing class,

because I wanna design my own clothes,

have a fashion line for petite girls.

Because it's hard to find clothes that truly fit me.

I will be doing a lot of photography sessions.

My sisters are ready to be my model.

I will be a part-time model

for novice photographers too!

I will be learning how to cook

and get as many recipes as I can from my grandmas

and make a recipe book!

I am really writing a book now,

but I think it can only be published when I am successful enough haha!

I will watch all Love, Vivy episodes and be inspired.

My family is gonna move to Kota Kinabalu,

I am so excited cause I have never been to Sabah!

More photography sessions there!

On top of all the fun stuff,

I need to study electromagnetism which I doubt myself lol.

I am gonna decorate my home for raya!

Okay, I am so enthusiastic about going back.

Summer, come fast!

The Tired Me

People always question me,

how do I have so much time to do things that I want

when I have so many things to handle?

Engineering is a demanding degree.

I am in the 1st year

but I am already struggling.

All of the outings, dancing,

the fun stuff that I did,

were just to add some flavors to my life.

Because if I only focused on my study,

I would not be a human, but a robot.

I don't like that.

I do agree that we all have to focus on our study.

 We have to focus when we have to focus.

I am just writing this 

as a reflection on what I have done throughout the entire semester.

I have in total of 5 essays to submit,

each requires 2000 words.

I have a research paper and a

business proposal to write

and I have to present my business proposal.

I also have quizzes every week, 

Math quiz every month

and midterms and tests.

This semester is really tiring for me.

I haven't started studying for my final,

which will be held next week.

I don't procrastinate,

I follow my schedule accordingly

and all of the homeworks I send 3 days before the due date.

I put so much pressure on myself,

but I feel satisfied every time I crossed them out of my list.

The only online movie I watched this semester is 

Hasse Toh Passe

and the two cinema movies that I watched were

Kapoor & Sons

and 

Zootopia.

I have netflix account but I don't use them,

I found them a waste,

but whatever.

I just don't have time to do all of that.

I am not into movies as you can see,

but I do something else for my guily pleasure.

I am very tight on budget,

so I only eat vegatables and rice.

And fish sometimes.

When I feel so stressful,

I go buy gifts for my family.

I feel guilty every time I spend on myself,

that's why I hardly have fancy food,

or buy myself something nice to wear.

Every time I feel like I need to buy

something for me,

like phone or whatever,

I will always contemplate.

I should have bought a nice bag for my mum

or nice hoodies for my sisters, nice cap for my brother or watch for my dad.

I don't spend my money on make up because

I know I don't deserve to use my money on myself.

I always feel like my money shouldn't be spent on me.

Everytime I did,

I feel like I should return the stuff back 

and refund.

Because I think I haven't achieved much enough in life.

I don't have anything that I can be proud of.

I haven't achieved the GPA that my parents want me to achieve,

I haven't proved my worth.

I used to be the one who would set personal goals on

things I was involved in.

But I lost the person.

As I am writing all of these,

my heart is aching.

I feel sick,

I am not physically sick,

but spiritually sick.

At one time I feel like I am not good enough,

at some other time,

I feel like I am not good enough for others.

I feel weak.

Indeed,

I am lost.

I just don't have the direction in life anymore.

I have a very low self-esteem.

I really want finals to end,

so I can go somewhere I want.

I wanna go home.

I wanna hug my parents

because I miss doing that.

I am crying now.

I should stop writing.

I am done.

Support System | Vivy Yusof

I read this post and I cried a bit,

especially at the last part of the post.

It's so mainstream to adore this lady,

but I really do.

Vivy Yusof.

She's the big name in Malaysia fashion industry 

and her family is great,

she's living the life that most of the people would ever dream of,

I ever dream of.

When she's having her own reality show,

I am so happy and I really wanna watch it,

so I ask my mum to record that for me.

I still remember my dream of becoming a tv host.

I wanna host a show like Primadona,

and I can partner up with Edda and Azura.

Idk how it came, but I just want it.

I am a people person.

I just realized about this matter

after being part of the organizing committee for

Southeast Asia Festival in McGill last weekend.

I was the choreographer but I wasn't recorded in the video because

it was too zoomed-in.

I had to handle the food vendor department too

and had to deal with what they wanted for the event.

I also had to do a bit of marketing for this event,

and I enjoyed it.

I enjoyed making friends and meeting new people.

Networking, I like it.

Meeting people of different backgrounds, listening to their stories;

they're inspiring.

Did I choose the wrong major, I even questioned myself?

Nope, I just have other specialties that will be beneficial for my career.

I do believe in this.

I love being me,

I enjoy doing what I am doing.

Studying, traveling, photographing, dancing, cooking.

An engineer can do all of these.

Just because I am a future engineer, it doesn't mean I cannot be the artsy girl, right?

Back to Vivy Yusof's story.

Based on her story, 

I can see how important it is to have a support system.

Her family and her husband are the strongest support system she ever has.

No one is an island,

we always need people in our life.

I have made many friends when I come to McGill,

but I truly know who's my support system here.

My family + 1.

Even tho they're very far away from Canada, they're definitely my ultimate support system.

Why did I cry a bit while reading her post?

Because she mentioned about her grandmothers.

I miss my grandmas, both of them.

I am tok mak's favourite cucu,

I know.

(well, I don't genuinely know, but I like mentioning it :P)

I learn a lot from her.

She took care of me when my mum was at her office,

she would always cook my favourite food 

and she is always proud of me.

I know my success and happiness that I have today is partly because of her prayer.

Because I was so close to her, I even call her, mak.

Moms' prayers are the best.

I am not close to Nenek as much as I am close to tok mak,

but don't limit my love.

She likes cooking for me too!

Her masak lomak is the best! And sambal belancan.

I always feel that grandparents-grandchildren relationship is great

because it's the chance for grandparents to amend their relationships 

with their daughters/sons.

I always pray to Allah,

for Him to take care of the people I love.

So I can meet them again when I go back to Malaysia this summer.

 A little emotional here.

But it's a bit of motivation for me to keep striving for my best here.

Good job, Vivy Yusof for your great achievement in life.

Keep inspiring people!

xo,

Aliah